| Whats your middle name?: | lynn |
| How big is your bed?: | bigger than a bread box |
| What are you listening to right now?: | my own nasally breathing |
| What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?: | 5309 |
| What was the last thing you ate?: | almonds |
| Last person you hugged?: | my cat |
| How is the weather right now?: | stupid |
| Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: | this really sexy hooker. i forgot his name. |
| What is the first thing u notice in the opposite sex?: | their hands |
| Favorite type of Food. : | real |
| Do you want children?: | for what purpose? |
| Do you drink?: | water is imperative |
| Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night?: | no, but you clearly have |
| Hair color?: | sepia toned |
| Eye colour?: | cobalt blue |
| Do you wear contacts/glasses?: | spectacles |
| Favorite holiday?: | halloweenie |
| Favorite Season?: | summall (summer and fall) |
| Have you ever cried over a girl/boy?: | yep. nearly drown them with my tears of fury. |
| Last Movie you Watched?: | lord of the rings |
| What books are you reading?: | wasted |
| Piercings?: | yes please |
| Favorite Movie?: | one flew over the cuckoo's nest |
| Favorite college football Team?: | barf |
| What were you doing before filling this out?: | smoking a cigarette like the slave of nicotine i am. |
| Any pets?: | some. |
| Dogs or cats?: | it's what's for dinner. |
| Favorite Flower?: | dahlia |
| Have you ever loved someone?: | sure |
| Who would you like to see right now?: | that fucking hooker. so hawt. |
| Have you ever fired a gun?: | i sure have! |
| Do you like to travel by plane?: | i like to travel by humming bird. |
| Right-handed or Left-handed?: | my other left |
| If you could go to any place right now where would you go?: | saskatoon |
| Are you missing someone?: | oh well gosh darn. you got me. |
| Do you have a tattoo?: | fuck yes. |
| Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?: | no. |
| Are you hiding something from someone?: | nope. |
| ARE YOU 18?: | i'm 28, which makes this pathetic. |
| WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE?: | some kid. |
| DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT?: | i never do. |
| FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING?: | HOOKERS |
| WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE?: | A SHELF |
| GRILLED OR FRIED?: | DEAD |
| WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE?: | NOTHING |
| ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?: | EVER LOVING FUCK I AM |
| FAVORITE HANGOUT?: | UPSIDE DOWN |
| 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?: | WATER, OXYGEN, AND PLACENTA |
| FAVORITE SONG?: | THE ONE THAT DOESN'T SOUND SHITE |
| WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?: | EVERYTHING |
| ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER?: | GIVER |
| WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?: | jenndo |
| WHAT IS YOUR DADS MIDDLE NAME?: | BUBBLE TRUMPS |
| WHATS YOUR MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME?: | BLARGLESNARF |
| STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD TAKE ONE THING?: | TOILET PAPER |
| FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL?: | NADS |
| WHO'S YOUR CELL PHONE PROVIDER?: | iwireless. sucks. |
| FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE?: | THE DISHES |
| Whats your favorite color?: | roy g biv |
| WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU?: | my organs |
| WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?: | a kid |
| WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 11:11?: | look at it |
| THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEEt?: | green |
| WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?: | changing my life so dramatically, that it couldn't be my life. |
| Myspace Surveys | |
Friday, February 10, 2012
personal survey a go go
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
so still.
there's still a little blood on my thigh
from when he decided to take his time
no nerve for fighting
i just sat there, silently screaming in
there's still a little bruise on my cheek
from when he decided to make me feel weak
no point in fighting
i just stood there crying, silently screaming in
there's still a little ring 'round my throat
from when he decided to give me a choke
no use in fighting
i just shut down, silently screaming in
there's still a little break in their hearts
from when they begged him to stop from the start
no strength for fighting
they were so still, silently screaming for me
from when he decided to take his time
no nerve for fighting
i just sat there, silently screaming in
there's still a little bruise on my cheek
from when he decided to make me feel weak
no point in fighting
i just stood there crying, silently screaming in
there's still a little ring 'round my throat
from when he decided to give me a choke
no use in fighting
i just shut down, silently screaming in
there's still a little break in their hearts
from when they begged him to stop from the start
no strength for fighting
they were so still, silently screaming for me
bedtime thoughts
life.
full of glory, pain, triumph, boredom, knowledge, lessons, love, loss, shitty diapers, sippy cups, band-aids, tylenol, doctor appointments, psychiatrists ... yeah. something like that.
the point is, no matter where we're at or what we're going through - things can always be worse.
we strive for better and resent the current - and frankly, that's a piss poor way of going about things.
i'm just as guilty though. looking past all the silver lining and letting the weight of all the not-so-joyful happenings drag me to the ground, through 15 layers of dog shit, and (unsurprisingly) landing me in front of a speeding bus - because that's how it goes.
but it really doesn't have to be that way. i mean, there will always be struggles. it's unavoidable.
i guess we all forget sometimes the things we have that we need to be holding onto with the grip of death. those little lights in our lives that pick us up guide us through the trenches of fucking doom - one swift kick to the ass at a time.
and though those things may not be exactly what we want or expect right now, at least we have them. those little happy things can turn into giant happy things if we play our cards right - especially if we stop focusing on the downside (and nine times out of ten, a paranoid-induced downside that isn't likely).
a flower can grow out of a pile of shit. and that flower starts to stir beneath the surface of said shit, where nobody can see it .... and then, before we know it, something totally kick ass has brightened our day (even though it started from, well, shit.)
so. water your shit-flowers and stop grazing in the fields of impenetrable negativity.
it's the only way to go.
i'm fucking tired.
goodnight.
full of glory, pain, triumph, boredom, knowledge, lessons, love, loss, shitty diapers, sippy cups, band-aids, tylenol, doctor appointments, psychiatrists ... yeah. something like that.
the point is, no matter where we're at or what we're going through - things can always be worse.
we strive for better and resent the current - and frankly, that's a piss poor way of going about things.
i'm just as guilty though. looking past all the silver lining and letting the weight of all the not-so-joyful happenings drag me to the ground, through 15 layers of dog shit, and (unsurprisingly) landing me in front of a speeding bus - because that's how it goes.
but it really doesn't have to be that way. i mean, there will always be struggles. it's unavoidable.
i guess we all forget sometimes the things we have that we need to be holding onto with the grip of death. those little lights in our lives that pick us up guide us through the trenches of fucking doom - one swift kick to the ass at a time.
and though those things may not be exactly what we want or expect right now, at least we have them. those little happy things can turn into giant happy things if we play our cards right - especially if we stop focusing on the downside (and nine times out of ten, a paranoid-induced downside that isn't likely).
a flower can grow out of a pile of shit. and that flower starts to stir beneath the surface of said shit, where nobody can see it .... and then, before we know it, something totally kick ass has brightened our day (even though it started from, well, shit.)
so. water your shit-flowers and stop grazing in the fields of impenetrable negativity.
it's the only way to go.
i'm fucking tired.
goodnight.
Monday, January 23, 2012
men aren't pigs. they're ... human.
being in love doesn't necessarily mean you're in a functioning relationship, and being in a functioning relationship doesn't mean you're in love.
but let's suppose you are in love, and in a relationship.
now this blog is mainly geared towards the ladies, as it seems to be a common issue amongst us, and by us, i mean you ... because i'm too laid back to give a damn.
the main problem lies in one word: jealousy
it's a dirty word, and a common ailment. when i was younger, i was the jealous type. i thought i should be idealized and the only woman my partner ever looked at. if i ever found the eyes of my partner wandering off i was happy to gouge them out with rusted spoons infected with hepatitis. i would get sour, bitter, and shut down entirely. my self-esteem would be shattered, but at what cost? it seems silly to me now.
the difference between men and women is vast, but as humans, we all look. men look at women, women look at men, women even look at other women. we size them up, wish that we looked more like them, or make crude comments about the muffin top they wobble around to make ourselves feel better. women get together to bitch, moan, and giggle about who's cute (or "hot"). men do the same thing, but for shame if we catch them doing it.
being in a relationship does not imply that our partners are the only attractive person in the entire world, to us. what it does mean is that we're significantly attracted to our partner on more than just the physical plane. we respect them, enjoy their company, prefer conversation with them, appreciate the commonalities, adore their presence, lovingly accept their faults, miss them when they're away, and are primarily aroused by them. that's why we end up in a committed union with someone.
commitment. there's another fun word. men are going to look, as i said before, and so are we (women). looking is harmless. pursuing, on the other hand, is a problem. a 10 second gaze off in the direction of a woman with voluptuous breasts doesn't mean he'd rather be with her. it means he's looking at her tits because they're perky, bouncy, and on display. he's still going home with you, living with you, loving you, having sex with you, talking to you, and enjoying you. he's chosen to BE with you, but nature suggests he will look at things that are nice. that's all.
i find myself, and other women, doing the same thing. i see a pretty woman, i'll look at her, and even go so far as to comment to the person with me that i think she's a very pretty woman. same logic follows when looking at men. does that mean i want to approach them, get to know them, and fornicate? hell no. the person is visually stimulating, even for a moment, and that's it.
it is unhealthy to assume we are the only ones our partner will ever find attractive. it's delusional, and frankly, unfair. they've dated before us, so clearly they find others attractive, and we know this. why kid ourselves over a basic instinct, and then get so dramatically worked up over it to the point of starting fights? now if we find them staring for longer than a minute or two, completely blanked out from our conversation, and drooling down their shirt .... sure, say something to get their attention, but maybe tease them instead of cackling on like a distraught hen. if they start taking pictures with their phone, subtly, or flirting in the most blatant way with little regard for your feelings - then yes. that gives a bit of room to become irritated and to even bitch a bit.
flirting. oi vey. there's another thing. people flirt with everybody. we flirt with gas station attendants, peers, cashiers, etc. it's part of being nice, it's part of showing our approval towards someone. a little flirtatious behavior, again, is harmless. when the physical boundary is broken, when sexual content starts entering the conversation, when talk of meeting up in a less than platonic way gets brought up - the warning lights should go off and it should be addressed in a very grown up fashion. pitching fits, yelling, and becoming hostile gets you nowhere. if anything, that kind of response will push a wedge between you and your partner even more, and the behavior that pissed you off in the first place will get worse.
pick your battles, and don't be hypocritical. don't hate your mate for being a human being, either.
now some of you might suggest that, as intelligent folk, we should overcome that. bullshit.
we're monogamous. that's unnatural, and a pretty big achievement. i am a monogamous creature and find myself relatively not attracted to another soul when i'm in love/committed to someone, but that doesn't mean i still can't find another person attractive. however, it doesn't sway how i feel or how i look at my partner. i simply adore and prefer them by a country mile, and i can guarantee that most men think and feel the same way.
the next time you see your man eyeballing the rounded backside of a lady for a split second, think about these things: who's hand does he hold, who does he kiss, who does he call when he's upset, who's bed does he lie in, who's body does he embrace, who is he intimate with, who does he gaze at adoringly, who does he call 'gorgeous' or 'beautiful', who does he spend most of his time with, who does he proclaim intense feelings for, who's tears does he wipe away, who does he miss, who's bedside will he rush to during sickness, who does he laugh with, who's opinion does he ask most of?
answer: you.
it makes those little glances and cheeky comments seem insignificant in that light.
if you're secure, in love, and such .... those things won't bother you anyway. if they do, there's a deeper problem, and it's more than likely your own than it is his. if that's the case, i'd hold off dating until you've worked out your inner demons.
(and i know men can be dogs. of course they can. but you know ... women can be just as bad.)
but let's suppose you are in love, and in a relationship.
now this blog is mainly geared towards the ladies, as it seems to be a common issue amongst us, and by us, i mean you ... because i'm too laid back to give a damn.
the main problem lies in one word: jealousy
it's a dirty word, and a common ailment. when i was younger, i was the jealous type. i thought i should be idealized and the only woman my partner ever looked at. if i ever found the eyes of my partner wandering off i was happy to gouge them out with rusted spoons infected with hepatitis. i would get sour, bitter, and shut down entirely. my self-esteem would be shattered, but at what cost? it seems silly to me now.
the difference between men and women is vast, but as humans, we all look. men look at women, women look at men, women even look at other women. we size them up, wish that we looked more like them, or make crude comments about the muffin top they wobble around to make ourselves feel better. women get together to bitch, moan, and giggle about who's cute (or "hot"). men do the same thing, but for shame if we catch them doing it.
being in a relationship does not imply that our partners are the only attractive person in the entire world, to us. what it does mean is that we're significantly attracted to our partner on more than just the physical plane. we respect them, enjoy their company, prefer conversation with them, appreciate the commonalities, adore their presence, lovingly accept their faults, miss them when they're away, and are primarily aroused by them. that's why we end up in a committed union with someone.
commitment. there's another fun word. men are going to look, as i said before, and so are we (women). looking is harmless. pursuing, on the other hand, is a problem. a 10 second gaze off in the direction of a woman with voluptuous breasts doesn't mean he'd rather be with her. it means he's looking at her tits because they're perky, bouncy, and on display. he's still going home with you, living with you, loving you, having sex with you, talking to you, and enjoying you. he's chosen to BE with you, but nature suggests he will look at things that are nice. that's all.
i find myself, and other women, doing the same thing. i see a pretty woman, i'll look at her, and even go so far as to comment to the person with me that i think she's a very pretty woman. same logic follows when looking at men. does that mean i want to approach them, get to know them, and fornicate? hell no. the person is visually stimulating, even for a moment, and that's it.
it is unhealthy to assume we are the only ones our partner will ever find attractive. it's delusional, and frankly, unfair. they've dated before us, so clearly they find others attractive, and we know this. why kid ourselves over a basic instinct, and then get so dramatically worked up over it to the point of starting fights? now if we find them staring for longer than a minute or two, completely blanked out from our conversation, and drooling down their shirt .... sure, say something to get their attention, but maybe tease them instead of cackling on like a distraught hen. if they start taking pictures with their phone, subtly, or flirting in the most blatant way with little regard for your feelings - then yes. that gives a bit of room to become irritated and to even bitch a bit.
flirting. oi vey. there's another thing. people flirt with everybody. we flirt with gas station attendants, peers, cashiers, etc. it's part of being nice, it's part of showing our approval towards someone. a little flirtatious behavior, again, is harmless. when the physical boundary is broken, when sexual content starts entering the conversation, when talk of meeting up in a less than platonic way gets brought up - the warning lights should go off and it should be addressed in a very grown up fashion. pitching fits, yelling, and becoming hostile gets you nowhere. if anything, that kind of response will push a wedge between you and your partner even more, and the behavior that pissed you off in the first place will get worse.
pick your battles, and don't be hypocritical. don't hate your mate for being a human being, either.
now some of you might suggest that, as intelligent folk, we should overcome that. bullshit.
we're monogamous. that's unnatural, and a pretty big achievement. i am a monogamous creature and find myself relatively not attracted to another soul when i'm in love/committed to someone, but that doesn't mean i still can't find another person attractive. however, it doesn't sway how i feel or how i look at my partner. i simply adore and prefer them by a country mile, and i can guarantee that most men think and feel the same way.
the next time you see your man eyeballing the rounded backside of a lady for a split second, think about these things: who's hand does he hold, who does he kiss, who does he call when he's upset, who's bed does he lie in, who's body does he embrace, who is he intimate with, who does he gaze at adoringly, who does he call 'gorgeous' or 'beautiful', who does he spend most of his time with, who does he proclaim intense feelings for, who's tears does he wipe away, who does he miss, who's bedside will he rush to during sickness, who does he laugh with, who's opinion does he ask most of?
answer: you.
it makes those little glances and cheeky comments seem insignificant in that light.
if you're secure, in love, and such .... those things won't bother you anyway. if they do, there's a deeper problem, and it's more than likely your own than it is his. if that's the case, i'd hold off dating until you've worked out your inner demons.
(and i know men can be dogs. of course they can. but you know ... women can be just as bad.)
Friday, January 20, 2012
dear nature:
we've known each other for a while. i've climbed your branches and swam in your streams. i've buried fallen g.i. joe's in your soil. i've ran through your woods like a ninja just to capture the flag. i've sniffed your flowers with appreciation, found bunnies and dragons in your clouds, and left my tongue out in the cold for the sake of catching the first snowflake. i've stared at your brooding storms with wonderment, danced like a hippie in your rain, and cursed at your desire to freeze things ... like my toes.
i've smeared your earth across my face like war paint, picked your clovers for luck, and rolled around in your grasses on a hot summer day. i've gone spelunking in your caves, scaled your walls of limestone, and humbled myself on your cliffs near your shores. your wind-songs have soothed my sadness, your thunder has ignited my soul, and your lightning (frankly) scares the shit out of me.
of all the beautiful things you are, i have but one bone to pick with you:
winter. make it stop now.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
tacos and car rides.
gwen (my eldest) is suffering from growing pains.
she is annoyed with this, and has made it very ... very clear.
off the top of her head, she decided she really wanted tacos for dinner.
i mean - REALLY wanted tacos.
after spending 15 minutes bundling up the wee sprogs, and delicately stuffing them into my
awesomely horrific momwithalotofkids-van, we headed out on our quest for said tacos.
no sooner did we pull away from the house the insanity began.
then we got home. tacos.
she is annoyed with this, and has made it very ... very clear.
off the top of her head, she decided she really wanted tacos for dinner.
i mean - REALLY wanted tacos.
after spending 15 minutes bundling up the wee sprogs, and delicately stuffing them into my
awesomely horrific momwithalotofkids-van, we headed out on our quest for said tacos.
no sooner did we pull away from the house the insanity began.
mom? mom! MOTHER!?
huh?my knees hurt. and the spaces between my knees hurt. and my hair hurts.
i'm sorry to hear that.mom? it's tellisia's birthday tomorrow and i need to get her a gift. i want to give her my lipgloss,
but it's my lipgloss, and if i give it to her i won't have it. so maybe i should give her something else instead.
that's a good ide -oh wow! i can see the whole CITY from up here! it's like the whole world but just the hills next to the city, so it's not the whole world, but ....
no, gwen, it's not the whole worl -hey! if it snows a lot on friday maybe grandpa and grandma will let us play in it? do you think so?
we could take our boots over there. do you think?
well may -mom, can hair hurt? it feels like my hair hurts.
no, gwen, hair cannot hurt. tellisia got a reflective note today. she said the word gay to someone. it wasn't very nice.
i know gwen, you told me earlier, and that isn't nice at all.mom? do we have to take a bath tonight?
yes.but, when i sit in a warm bath, sometimes it makes me pee.
well, gwen, you need to pee before you get in the bath.but i don't have to pee before i get into the bath!
well then, you need to get out if you have to pee.but if i get out of the warm bath when i have to pee, i get really cold, and i might pee on .... the floor.
you won't pee on the floor gwen.but i might!
you won't.you know, in a few days we will have had 100 days of school!
is that so?yeah! school is fun.
yes, school IS fun.no it's not, it's boring.
but you just sai -it's okay.
then we got home. tacos.
Monday, January 16, 2012
weight in gold
(just wrote a new song - but haven't recorded it yet - so ... here are the lyrics)
we've been going at this for a long time
want a little peace
but we take it all in stride
and we laugh when we really wanna cry
just choke it all down
and we need to move away from this snow
settle in a place where it doesn't get cold
so we can sleep naked as the day
that we were born
but time will only tell when we live or die
i hope to god or whatever that i'm by your side
there's nothing that i would love more than this
and if we keep our chin up we'll never grow old
our bodies might fail but we'll never be sold
down the river of every man's dream when we'll have our own
that's worth it's weight in gold
we both know that change is coming soon
but we'll be just fine if we push on through
send our fears flying off to the moon
and don't look back
so lets hold onto this thought
have a little smile, not be so distraught
and we'll make the best of this spot
that we're in
but time will only tell when we live or die
i hope to god or whatever that i'm by your side
there's nothing that i would love more than this
and if we keep our chin up we'll never grow old
our bodies might fail but we'll never be sold
down the river of every man's dream when we'll have our own
that's worth it's weight in gold
we've been going at this for a long time
want a little peace
but we take it all in stride
and we laugh when we really wanna cry
just choke it all down
and we need to move away from this snow
settle in a place where it doesn't get cold
so we can sleep naked as the day
that we were born
but time will only tell when we live or die
i hope to god or whatever that i'm by your side
there's nothing that i would love more than this
and if we keep our chin up we'll never grow old
our bodies might fail but we'll never be sold
down the river of every man's dream when we'll have our own
that's worth it's weight in gold
we both know that change is coming soon
but we'll be just fine if we push on through
send our fears flying off to the moon
and don't look back
so lets hold onto this thought
have a little smile, not be so distraught
and we'll make the best of this spot
that we're in
but time will only tell when we live or die
i hope to god or whatever that i'm by your side
there's nothing that i would love more than this
and if we keep our chin up we'll never grow old
our bodies might fail but we'll never be sold
down the river of every man's dream when we'll have our own
that's worth it's weight in gold
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